


Hetalia One Shots

by ShinigamiSlingby



Category: Hetalia: Axis Powers
Genre: F/F, F/M, M/M, Multi
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-12-26
Updated: 2017-01-19
Packaged: 2018-09-12 10:16:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 9
Words: 12,223
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9067357
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ShinigamiSlingby/pseuds/ShinigamiSlingby
Summary: They are potential longer stories that I have either given up on or decided to keep them short. All of the relationships stated will have at least 1 story written about them. Many different AU's are possible but they will all either be Human AU or Immortal (not canon immortal) AU. They will either be on Earth or my original world Aeria. (If they are there, expect species change, eg; Elves, Dolls, Shapeshifters) A species change will be written in the title or front notes, so will warnings.





	1. You Shall Go To The Ball

"I will not go if I do not wish to go." Roderich growled, not meaning any harm, to Gilbert, by this. He folded his arms and turned back to the leather bound notebook in front of him. Gilbert sighed with a smile, he knew how hopeless it was to get Roderich out of this mind-set but he was going to try anyway.  
"You are the king of Clubs, you have to go to the ball hosted by our kingdom." He made a seemingly confused face upon saying the word "our", he had recently been married into the kingdom and still believes that it is solely Roderich's.  
"You made the face again-" Roderich pointed at his newly made husband "- besides, they can do better without me." Although this seemed like a tactic for sympathy in stranger's eyes, it is what he truly believes.  
He had always been the wallflower, even at events with close friends, and this will never change. Not to mention the fact that he cannot dance to save his life.  
"You need to come to more events than the Festival Of The Rising Moon ball, that is attended by everyone and doesn't count as special attendance." Gilbert pointed out, this was mainly just to annoy Roderich. Roderich knew that this was what he was trying to do and didn't react, beyond this façade lay a really angry man.  
  
After a moment of silence, Gilbert let his silent agreement sink in. The cold of the kingdom took his strength to argue back. Roderich knew better than let this silence fool him, Gilbert was going to at least say something back. He simply sighed and returned to his half written stave. Most of the notes were barely able to be read, due to the thickness of the pen ink, but he knew what they were. They danced along the lines with excellent precision, many of them small notes that took up only a small ounce of a minute. This wasn't enough though and, knowing Roderich, he was going to throw this away as soon as he has played it once. Gilbert had been pacing the hall, he intended on going to the ball- meaning that he needs to get ready- with or without Roderich. He also wanted to find a way of making Roderich join him to the ball. Being a rather extroverted person, he relied on having many people around him- especially people that he knows and loves.  
  
"Roderich, you are coming to this ball no matter what you say." he spoke with an unusually placed smile. His hands were on his hips, the assertive look in his eyes was wholly contradicted by the grin on his face.  
"For God's sake Gil, the look of anger never works with you." he spoke back with slight venom, an eyebrow raised. "And how do you make sure that you shall get me to that ball, despite my protests?" Gilbert moved towards Roderich, the same smile placed on his face, he knew what he was going to do. He took a breath in, this was mainly for dramatic effect.  
"You shall go to the ball!" Gilbert exclaimed, picking Roderich up.  
"Put me down at once!"  
"But you SHALL go to the ball!" Gilbert continued his line of speech, hoisting the smaller man over his shoulder. Roderich knew that his protests were hopeless now, he was going whether he liked it or not.  
"I can never win, can I?" Roderich sighed over Gilbert's shoulder.


	2. Life Became So Tough But You Wanted More

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> BelaHun/Human Au/Warnings: Death, Suicide, Self Harm, Alcohol Abuse

All of her life was spent in silent fear, she had no idea how to truly express any of this. Upon days of great fear, she would lock herself in her room- concealing her worries form the world. Well, it was the world's fault anyway. Once this had passed, she simply walked out of her room with a vague smile- as if nothing had happened. As if she hadn't just poured her soul and blood out into that darkened room. Sleeves got longer and her makeup vanished, leaving the full sight of her shell like being on show. All of her comments became snappy, short snide comments rolling off her tongue like venom. Every now and then, she would buy alcohol, more than a regular person would. She would drink it all and then talk to either herself or her sister about anything that came to her mind. These instances became more frequent, to the point of every day. If she didn't get this alcohol, she would become paranoid and shaky- always ignoring the fact that she had a problem though I loved her regardless. I saw her smile once- being childhood friends, I was part of her life for so long- and it felt as though my entire world had been made. I longed to see it again but that is something that would never happen now. She took her life not long ago, 26th April to be exact. The weight of the world got too heavy for her- those words were part of my mother's speech, she spoke at Natalya's funeral because her parents didn't come. I remember seeing her brother's and her sister's pain ridden faces, they showed the exact same pain as mine- maybe even a little less. I loved her in a different way, they only saw her pain but I saw her heart. I saw the sheer love in her heart, the complete compassion that lay behind her eyes. They only saw her for her pain.

                                                                                                                                       *

"we are gathered here today to witness the passing of beloved sister, daughter and partner Natalya Arlovskaya. She was regarded as an excellent student and beneficial to our small town, as spoken by her girlfriend" the vicar stopped to grimace " Now, do any of you have anything to say on her behalf?"

Before I could say anything, my mother had stood up. She was always fond of Natalya; due to her upbringing being similar to Natalya's, she had found a connection with her. She probably considered her more of a daughter than me. Not that that mattered, I loved them both- well, I still love Natalya.

"I have always believed that Natalya would be beside my daughter till the end- clearly not. She carried the weight of the world upon her small shoulders, the pain of millions. Despite this, she held a great kindness. It was hard to recognise through her glaring and harsh front but it was there. Clearly the weight of pain was too heavy for her, she grew wings in order to help her next time, leaving us all behind. Her love will go on, as well as her memory. To a beautiful soul, taken so early." my mother spoke, looking to the floor throughout. "Farewell, angel of my daughter's heart."

 

I could feel the tears run down my cheeks as I stood up, it is my turn now.

"So I am not the wordsmith that my mother is. I had to prepare these crude and ineffective words for a week. Anyway, Natalya was the light of my life- she could simply look at me and I felt as though my entire life was in order, that it was perfect. I saw stars in her when she saw barren wasteland. I found love where she forced hatred. I wish that I could have reached out to her sooner, made her feel this but she never told me anything." I stopped, wiping the mass of tears clinging to my eyelashes "and...and-" I couldn't do it anymore. I dropped to my knees and sobbed into my hands- being strong was not for today. Ivan quickly ran to my side and picked me up.

"You are ok now" Ivan whispered, he took me off stage and into the side room of the church. "You will be ok, yes?" he asked in his rather strange manner, smiling brightly.

"How can you be happy!" I exclaimed in pure shock "Your sister is lying in a coffin and you are smiling!"

"Simply because our family believe in the happiness of funerals. When you die, you get the chance of meeting the family you wouldn't have known before. Meet up with old members. I just picture her up there with grandma, they loved one another so much" His words hit a strong part oh my soul, she is simply looking over us now. I will see her again.

"Sit with me, Ivan."

"I understand your pain" he spoke with a more sincere smile "she loved you so much. On family days, she would speak to myself and sister about you."

"And I loved her" I paused, covering my mouth and letting the tears pour from my eyes once more "Why did she do it?"

                                                                                                                                  *

Ivan never answered that question for the simple reason that he didn't know either. I knew though. Through the fear and chaos in the world, the pain that was her mind, she never told anyone her troubles. She never stopped pretending that the world didn't scare her.


	3. Lost Words

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SuFin/No warnings apply/Band!AU/Human!AU

It has been over 6 years since I last saw my secondary school friends, it seems way longer than that in my mind though. The 4 people that brought me through so much emotional turmoil. They all managed to go out and succeed in the world. Not that I didn't, I am in a band right now. Arthur went to art collage, Gilbert became an author, Elizaveta is still in collage too and Roderich became a music teacher. We were all in a band together but we all had different ideas so it was easier to give it up before arguments happened. I miss them more as every day passes, to say otherwise would be a lie. I try to forget but the brilliant times always find a way back into my mind, reducing me to a crumpled mess of tears. My band mates try to tell me that it will be ok, that I will forget but I can't. My first true love was part of that band, my only love.  
  
Hesitantly, I walk over to the phone that lay in the corner of my room. I had discarded it in a previous fit of rage, that was to do with them also. Should I? Pacing back and forth, moving around my bed, I couldn't help but question my thoughts. What if they have forgotten me? If I did phone, would they remember me? Will I just be a distant fragment of their mind? Will they even care? I tried to take my mind off this by writing my feelings down, this just made my feelings stronger. They almost suffocated me with the impending sense of loss. All I could think of were those years where we in our band, Faceless Amongst The Crowd. When _we_ were together. One tear ran down my cheek, moments past and more tears followed. Those people were my life for 11 years, how could all of that just disappear overnight? The lyrics that lay on the page hurt me more than anything else could, it reminded me of her. In the middle of the page, scrawled in my spidery handwriting, read: _maybe the headache that now troubles me is better than my memories of you._ I read this with dismay, how could those words be my true feelings? I loved him, I still do to be honest with myself. Lying has been so easy for me over these past few years but now, I cannot bring myself to do anything like that. He blocks all of my thoughts out, he is the one I want to be with for my whole life. Without him, my life became a lie. I started to become friends with some new people, managed to start a relationship with one of them, but this was all lies. The relationship was to prove to my parents and friends back home that I was "normal". They were too intimidating for me to talk to and therefore I set up a relationship with my closest friend. Matthais Kolher. He loved me more than I could have ever loved him, I ruined him by making him feel like a fool for loving me. He told me that on our last day together. I knew deep in my heart that this was true, I ruin everybody.  
  
Without any warning, my phone rang. My thoughts stopped as I feared the worst. What if it is one of them? What if one of them has died and I am needed to examine the body? I know that I must not think like that but I cannot help it, my brain only lets me see the bad sides in order to punish me for hurting many people. As I walked closer to the phone, the rings began to get more impatient. I stopped for a moment to give myself breathing time. It is no use trying to talk to someone in the state that I am in. I finally managed to gather enough courage to pick up the phone. What if it isn't any of them and I have just hurt myself by thinking that?  
  
"Hello, is this Bertwald?" the voice on the other end asked. I couldn't forget that voice, it was Tino's. A sweet innocence lingered down the phone to me, it was the hint of wonderful nostalgia. He still remembers me. I couldn't breathe or speak for a moment, my whole life came flooding back to me in beautifully painful waves.  
"Hello? Is anyone there?" he asked yet another question. I grabbed hold of my vocal chords again and spoke to her, secretly afraid of me saying the wrong thing.  
"Tino?!" I exclaimed, the only thing that my mouth could make sound beautiful anymore. This was completely out of my shy character, I loved him and didn't care about my forced asocial behaviour.  
"Hello Bertwald, how are you?" my mind wanted to tell him how I felt, how it made me die inside that he left my life, but it will probably be best if this conversation kept light. This was the first conversation we have had in 6 years after all.  
"I am missing you all. Why did you phone me though?"  
"Did you not want me to?" he asked, a small hint of offence lay in her voice. This hurt me infinitely, the thought that I had upset him.  
"No, I did. I just want to know why you phoned me out of all of the people you could."  
"I just wanted to say hello" he laughed. These few words brought my happiness back in seconds, he remembered me.  
"Do you want to meet up for a coffee or something? Catch up, we have 6 years to talk about."  
"Yeah. Is tomorrow ok with you?" I ask. On my lips lay the biggest smile, he has brought me back to life with just his high pitched, enthusiastic voice.  
"Bertwald?" he questioned, a sigh escaped his mouth. It was as if he feared the ending of this.  
"Yes Tino?"  
"To the end my darling." after that he hung up.  
"To the end" I whisper even though he had hung up. I couldn't believe that he remembers me, that he said those words. To everyone else they are just a stupid string of words but to us, they were a promise.  
  
After all this time, 6 years, he still remembers me. He still loves me.


	4. I never Knew You Felt This Way

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> USUK/self harm mention, suicide, suicidal thoughts/Band!AU/Human!AU
> 
> I know there seems to be a lot of band AU's but it is because most of these are old stories of mine, re written slightly

Arthurs P.O.V

I've had enough. I don't want to live anymore. Dragging my hand through my red fringe, I noticed the scars spidering down my arm. This caused a storm of tears to roll down my cheeks. The only thing I care about in this world is my band, my friends: Alfred, Gilbert, Antonio and Francis. My only friends and supporters in this crap world. Slowly walking to the dingy kitchen, I think about my life so far. I'm in a band, as you know. We have a fan-base but we are not that famous. I am happy with that bit of my life but nothing else seems that good. I was kicked out by my family for the band because they thought that we had a satanic message, what a load of bollocks that is. If anything, they should be worried about other things going on in my life. I could call out at least 20 other big things that they should be worrying about in their dear old son. But then again, my brothers were always the better ones. I wish there was a way of removing all of your past feelings and hatred, I would soon and willingly take that opportunity. My only escape is now to do this. On the windowsill lay Francis' old sketch pad. The paper front was the only page left, despite the frantic biro scribbles. I picked it up with great care and looked through It was a drawing of Alfred, her and I that made me cry. This was the day that turned my life around, the day we all met. Tears dropped onto the semi-rough paper. As I turned the page, a piece of scrap paper covered in neat handwriting fell out of the book. I picked it up and turned to the page it dropped from. It was a photo of us all from out first band practice as the band we are now. It was taken shortly after Antonio joined us. A tidal wave of memories came back. I looked at the note, it read:

 

_Dear  Arthur_

_I need to tell you about my plans, I am sorry but I need to do this. You probably already know what I mean by that. For the one who laughs the loudest, you wouldnt expect this would you? I am going to die tonight. It wasn't anybody else's fault at all, it is just my way of going by my own terms. I want you to know that you are an amazing person and I pray that you keep on living. (You talk in your sleep) Be brave and dont worry._

_Alfred_

__  
  
Why?! He doesn't need to do this. My thoughts and emotions ran haywire. My lifelong friend, the one who picked me up when I was down. He is the one who would bring me from my pit of self-hatred and make me feel worth anything, he is and brother to me. Maybe even more than that, I felt a slight love there but I could never tell him. Enough of that, I need to find him. I grabbed my phone and dialled his number, I know it off by heart. His phone rang, I knew that he was still in the flat. The quiet green day song came to an end and I realise where he is. I ran to the hall, the song had came from the smaller bedroom. Not caring what I knocked off, I barged into the room. He was barely alive, his weak body sprawled out across the single bed.  
  
Alfred's P.O.V  
  
I didn't want it to end like this. I didn't want Arthur to see me like this. I am a failure as a best friend. Slumping back on the pillow, I allow the pain to wash from me. At least that keeps me feeling like I am part of something.  
"Al, why?" he cried at me, I felt the pain rip though my chest. Why does he care for the likes of me? I am a nobody and yet he is acting as if my death is serious, surely he is joking or making me feel better before I go. I could barely see but I knew that  he was phoning someone, probably an ambulance.  
"The...dark..darkness. I..it's.." I trailed off from my weak, breathy mumbles.  
"Its what Alfred? Stay with me!" he sobbed at me, I smiled weakly at this for I know that my fate is inevitably sealed. This was the first, and last, time that I have ever seen him so emotional- he isn't even this emotional when he is drunk.  
"I...it's beautiful" I finish with a warm smile.  
  
Arthur's P.O.V  
  
I called an ambulance, Francis, Gilbert and Antonio; they need to get here now. I mutter a prayer, mixed with a few curses, as I watch my blond haired friend get weaker by his every breath. Why did it have to be this way around? I wanted to leave him in the same way but now the tables have been cruelly turned, I couldn't bare to think of his death and now I have to watch it unravel before me.  
"I gave every breath of life I have" he chuckled with a pain filled croak. No words escaped, only tears. I couldn't take his humour but I couldn't bring this up either.  
"Hey don't cry for silly little me." he smiled. For comfort, I grabbed the pillow that lay on the side table. I cant stop my tears though, my best friend is dying and I don't know what to do. I never even thought that he felt like this, I never wanted to even toy with that thought.  
"I read the note, why?" I mumbled, trying to hide my new found exasperation. He looked in my eyes, only for a brief moment, as if to make sure I know of his honesty.  
"Because...." he trailed off, looking at the whitewash ceiling.  
  
Alfred's P.O.V  
  
I don't want him to know. If he knew, I would be a terrible friend. He doesn't need to know my "problems". They are nothing. If I were to let them out, I would feel like a weak person. I hate it when any of them see me cry as I am the strong one. They have all had problems and I was the first one they came to. That is how it always has been. Even in Francis' and I's old band, I was the one they called for help. I was ashamed to say anything and I still am.  
"why, please tell me. You have to stay awake!" he cried into the pillow. He grabbed it and covered his face with it. Maybe he is as ashamed of his emotions as I am.  
"Mascara tears" I whispered, he looked up from the white pillow (now stained black) and smiled weakly. Anything to see him smile, even if it is just a small smile. A smile is better than seeing his tears and I know how much he loves that song- that album. We used to listen to them all the time, I wasn't keen but I knew that he loved them.  
"Arthur, you are an amazing friend and musician, nobody can tell you that you are no good. I.." with that last word, I drew one last breath and fell back. Consuming darkness was my only fate now. It is beautiful.  
  
Arthur's P.O.V  
  
Tears rolled down my face, eyeliner following this. I cannot come close to explaining the thoughts that consumed me right now. He actually thinks that I am worth something other than my current state of nothing. If there was a chance of going back in time, I would. Just to help my friend.  
"And you what?" I cry, shaking him, he had passed out from blood loss. Why did he even do this? Why didn't he tell any of us how he felt? We could have helped him, I could have saved him. Obviously his sleeves were rolled up and I noticed something that I didn't want to see, especially on him. Scars. Cuts. The familiar red lines ripped through his tanned arms, they brought tears with memories. He didn't tell any of us about this. He suffered in silence like me. There were many nights where I would sit up crying into my hands, praying for death, but so was he. My pain doesn't matter if he felt the same. My pain is nothing if I cannot help the ones I truly care about when they feel the same way. God, I am a bad friend.  
"Please come back to me..." I whisper through the sobs. He didn't deserve this, he doesn't deserve an end like this. He suffered for so long and I have only just found out. My thoughts of my own death have gone, all I wish for now is for him to have the strength to pull through. I do not want to die for this moment as I need to stay for him.  
  
A loud nock came from the end of the hallway. At least one of the four people that I have phoned is here. I sighed, fearing that something bad will happen as soon as I leave the room. I ran to the door and threw it open, I need to be quick as my mind doesn't like the idea of Alfred being on his own in that room. It was Antonio, Gilbert and Francis. A sigh of relief swept over me as I saw their faces. All picturing the same horrified expression, my heart feels the same as they look.  
"What's up?" Antonio gasped,  shock rushed through his usually calm voice. I had no time to explain here, I need to get back to Alfred as quickly as I can.  
"Come with me" I order, running back to the bedroom. My heartbeat was now racing, the stress of this all wasn't helping this feeling. He was dying and there is nothing I can do. I am the worst friend that ever walked the planet. The bandages, that were made from my shirt sleeves, were holding up good. Thank God.  
  
"What the hell happened?!" they all spoke the same words but in different times, it was if they had planned it. I sighed, these words did not want to come out.  
"He tried to kill himself" I mumbled, trying to listen for the door. That ambulance better bloody turn up soon. I do not want to be in this room anymore, the atmosphere is too strong To my luck, the door knocked again.  
"Could you get that?" I semi-ordered. Antonio nodded and rushed to the door. I heard him explaining the situation to them. The paramedics barged in, followed by an on-edge Antonio. They were carrying a stretcher and a lot of equipment with them, I know that Alfred needs it but it is unnerving me. Everything was rushing around me, I couldn't keep track of the different people in my flat now. My best friend is probably going to die.  
"He will be ok, I promise" the female paramedic smiled reassuringly. What if? What if this doesn't go to plan? What if he dies? What if I never get to see him again? What if I never get to heat the end of that sentence?  
  
The world spun around me as I stood and thought, I have never felt so distant from this reality. My body seemed to be in a paralysed state of complete shock. I couldn't help but think of the negative. Tears fell down my pale, shock filled, face. Life isn't worth living without my friends and if one of them dies I cannot go on.

 

                                                                                                                        *One week later*  
  
I decided to visit him for the first time in a week. Life hasn't been the same without his jokes, his smile and that damn Eagle hat. Yeah, I know how stupid it sounds but I miss his smile when he had that hat on. I brought it him for his 15th birthday. That stupid grin to accompany the held up woolly Eagle. I am gripping it in my hand as I am sat on the bus, thinking. Francis was sat beside me, he decided to come with me as he hadn't been down to see him.  
"Hey, you know Art, he'll pull through this. Who else would take his place if he didn't live." he tried to reassure me. The possibility that he is dead hit me harder than anything could ever do before. I didn't know that the mere thought of someone dying could hurt so much but it does. I gave him a weak smile as I fiddle with the hat's tassels. Picturing him in my head, I began to cry. My mind tried to tell me that it was bad to break down on the bus, I don't think a bunch of strangers would want to see that. On the other hand, why should I put my emotions on the line for a group of strangers? Life wouldn't be the same if he wasn't there, it would be dull. Antonio and Gilbert went to see him yesterday so they agreed to look after the flat. Our stop had finally arrived, this was a moment I really wanted to put off. Delilah pressed the button and we both stood up. I grabbed the hat, the wool of it still felt warm to the touch.  
"Hey as I said, he will be fine." she smiled with an assuring pat on the back.  
  
The hospital isn't far now, about a five minute walk from the bus stop. I could probably make it is 3 but I want to prolong this as much as I can. This whole week has been the worst, my dreams were all about him. What if he died an I wasn't there? What if he died scared and alone? He died feeling the way I do now, in my mind and that is inacceptable. My friend, my brother more like, was going through the same as me and I didn't even know. I am pretty hesitant to get there, what if he doesn't want us to see him? For once, in this whole week, I have managed to curb my feelings. I need to stay strong for all of us. This is now my job, Simon was always the one to stay strong and lead us through all of our problems. His happy-go-lucky face always cheered us up, even in our darkest times. He managed to clear even the darkest of skies, for people he didn't know too. Now it is my turn. I must carry on this difficult work. Damn, now I am talking as if he is dead. This isn't helping anyone at all, I need to think positive at all times, though this was a tough endeavour.  
  
The hospital was now in front of us. I am now, thanks to my inspiring, head-speech, willing to walk in. A nurse greeted us, it was if she was waiting for us.  
"Are you Mr Kirkland?" she asked me, I nodded obviously. "He always talked about you, you know" she continued as she handed me a slip of paper and took Francis to the side. Probably to tell him something, my mind jumps to the worst of things at times like these. I opened the paper without hesitation and looked down at the familiar scrawling on the paper, Alfred had the penmanship of an ink covered insect. It read:

 

_Dear Arthur_

_So you wanted to know the end of that sentence, didn't you? Well, I wanted to say that you mean the world to me and I wanted you to love yourself as much as I love you (In a friend way ahaha) Believe in yourself, never let them tell you that you are no good. If they believe that someone like you isn't good enough then they need to get their heads checked out.  You are an amazing friend. Quite ironic really but, before I did this, I flushed away anything you could hurt yourself with. Please be safe and don't be as stupid as I am and always will be.Yes, you talk in your sleep._

_Alfred_

__  
  
A tear fell onto the paper, followed by more. What has happened to make him write like that? I had a good idea what happened but my mind and heart wanted to deny it so much. He can't be dead. Francis approached me with a lifeless look in his eyes. I knew what he was going to say before the words escaped his mouth. My eyes began to flood out with tears, he is dead. All of my before mentioned hope had gone, how could I continue without my best friend?  
"He has gone...." Francis trailed off. I closed my eyes so that I didn't have to face reality again. Life has no more meaning. I am never going to see that smile again. It is over, gone. My life. His life. They both lay intertwined in the dust. Through all of this, we have been strong together and now that has gone. His voice made all of the demons in my head vanish. I hope my family are goddamn happy now.  
  
That was the moment when I truly knew that my life felt meaningless.


	5. Trapped

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> FRUK/No warnings apply/Human Au
> 
> Some humour for you now

"Hey! Help me!" I scream banging on the door. The darkness covered me as I ball, thrash and cry. This won't help as my boyfriend can be evil with his humour at times. He will probably leave me.  
"How did you get in there you idiot?" he shouted with a hint of a laugh mixed in.  
"I dunno, my friends dared me and I got stuck. They called me fat!" I whined.  
"Francis Bonnefoy, why the hell would you get in a bloody cupboard. You can be an idiot at times!" he laughed. I could tell by his tone that he had no intentions of helping me out. More yelling and thrashing followed.  
"Help me!" I cry, somehow I could sense that he was shaking his head at me through the cupboard door.  
"Nope, it is too funny!" he sniggered.  
"Please help" I growled, no actual anger in my voice.

 

Half an hour later

My phone played it's little tune, it was muffled due to it being in my pocket. I moved around to get it. If you were wondering, yes I am still in the damn cupboard. My dear boyfriend thought that it was too funny to let me out. Managing to get my phone, I answer the call, it was a friend.  
"Hey man, I heard that you are in the cupboard, how is it in there? Dark?" Gilbert jeered. I rolled my eyes and began to complain.  
"Hey, you got me to get in there and here I am. Don't play dumb with me. Come over and help me!"  
"Nah I can't, mom won't let me over. Besides, it's too damn funny" he laughed and hung up.  
"Fine, go back to living in your mother's basement"  
"ARTHUR KIRKLAND HELP ME!"


	6. The Day We Met

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> USUK/CollegeAU/HumanAU/Earth

The blazing sun beat down on my back, this was made worse by my choice of wearing a leather jacket. Oh well, the Costa isn't that far. I sighed and continued to walk after stopping to tie my shoelace. It always comes undone at the most unpredictable times, that's what you get for trusting back street shops my brother recommended. My laptop lay in the bag strapped around my shoulder, I just hope that the sun hasn't damaged it. Knowing my luck, all of my course work has been deleted. If that happened, I think I would cry- no, I would definitely throw it and the bag into the sea over there. Ah, the joys of collage. I continued across the pier, music blasting through my earphones and sea salt ( not that I wanted it) in my nose and mouth. Allergies are fun seen as, since I moved here, I have constantly been ill. Thank god that the costa is in front of me now.

Walking in, I took in all of the aromas and sights. Dark walls were covered with paintings of various things, my favourite one is probably the watercolour ballerina. It is so beautifully composed, stroke lines all in the same direction to give an elegant feel. Light colours thrown against the contrasting burgundy walls, leaving a sense of weightlessness. Well, there goes my manliness- my brothers always pick on this. The roasting coffee beans filled the air, it was complete heaven.

"Hello, how can I help you?" the smiling barista chirped. His thick American accent shone through his smile, something that amused me even more. I smiled at him and thought about my order for a while. His aftershave overpowered the coffee bean scent, it was a complimentary scent though. His happiness surprised me, it was only 10am. Being happy at this time in a morning in my house is a godsend.  
"I will have a cookie frappe to go please."  
"And your name?" he asked me, I paused for a while as I was absorbed by my own thoughts.

The barista looked familiar, he looked rather like myself to be honest. His blond, slightly curled hair was concealed in a hair net, an obvious occurrence in this job. Few of the baristas didn't wear one, probably leading to being fired. His smiling face held a few piercings: septum, labret, and eyebrow. His name tag, on his shop uniform, read Alfred. He looked me in the eyes, impatience flashed through the blue abyss for only a second before it was snatched away with a bright smile. I just seemed to stare into his eyes, the blue mass pulling me into the thoughts of his soul. They gave such a sad look, compared to his bright grin. I wished to question this but I couldn't possibly think to annoy him- then again, his cheery demeanour is annoying me. 

"Excuse me, what is your name? I need it for your order." he asked, snapping me from my thoughts. I panicked, how do I justify my long pause? Surely I couldn't go up to him and say 'sorry for that Alfred, I was staring at your face and forgot my name'  
"Oh, er, sorry. My name is Arthur" I mumbled, looking to the floor. Way to go genius! He nodded and proceeded to make the drink. I sighed gratefully, he didn't ask me for an explanation for my stupidity.  
"How long have you been working here?" I asked, desperately trying to start a conversation with the annoyingly handsome stranger.  
"Oh, not very long. It's a part time job, I only work here when my collage is closed. Luckily my boss understands, some wouldn't you know? My last boss fired me for not being here one a college day, can you imagine?" he answered with a smile over his shoulder.   
"Quite so.What do you study?" I ask him, it is only natural to enquire.  
"Well, I study History, Philosophy and Law. Bit of a random three to take together but I like it, the heavy workload keeps me on my toes. How about you, you look like a collage student." he said, walking to the counter with my coffee in one hand and a sharpie in the other.  
"I try to study Art and Music theory but it is pretty difficult at the moment. I have a tonne of coursework to do, all in for next week." I tell him, picking up my coffee.  
"Well so long Arthur. For now." Alfred smiled sincerely, clearly looking like he was trying to hide something in his last statement. I tried to ignore it as I left but my brain, being the way it is, wouldn't let it go.

I walked out of the shop with a stupid grin plastered across my face. Had I just met the only person I actually want to be part of my life? I Haven't got that many friends and he seems ok enough. Well, more than that. It is annoying that I feel that about such a seemingly obnoxious character but maybe this will encourage me to be a more outgoing person. If only to let me talk to him again. My heart was pounding as I took a sip of my drink. Upon lifting the cup, I noticed a string of numbers and writing scrawled on the cup. I turned the cup around to read it, it said (in rather messy handwriting) Hello Art, name's Alfred. 044795376548192. call me if you like, you don't have to. My smile grew wider as I read this, he gave me his number, why? II simply sped home, looking for my phone on the way.

* half an hour later * 

"Should I ring it?" I ask aloud, pacing back and forth in my room. A sigh emerged from my friend, who was now sitting on my bed.

"Yes, you should. Damn it! Give me the phone!" Peter demanded, his palm outstretched. The only grateful thing I have about having a friend considerably younger than me- he never overcomplicates things like I, and many others my age, do. I reluctantly agreed to his plan and handed him the phone. After reciting the number to him, I turned to face the wall. He shouldn't see my embarrassment, no one needs to see it. I put my palm on my cheek, burning up alright! They were probably as red as they feel.  
"It's ringing!" he whispered with great enthusiasm. I spun around to be greeted by Peter grinning like an idiot with my phone in his hand. I grabbed it off him and put it to my ear, hoping that I wont just get a dialing tone or an answer machine.

"Hello?" a familiar but slightly altered voice questioned.  
"Is this Alfred?" I ask, stupid question I know. Seen as I phoned his number, it would be stupid to think that it wouldn't be him.  
"Yes, is this Arthur then?" he laughed, probably mocking my question.  
"So why did you put your number on my cup?" I ask the question that has been going through my mind for the large part of today. I half feared the answer though, what if it was to say something negative that he couldn't whilst we were in the shop.  
"Well I saw you staring at me," he started pausing to stifle a chuckle. "Also you seemed interesting and I would like to talk a little more with you. Meet with me after work today, I finish in half an hour. Get your best clothes on too, we're gonna go out somewhere."


	7. Neon In The Dancehalls

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> PruHun/Aeria AU/Gil is a vampire and Liz is a Neonblood (refer to the guide to Aeria)

"Gilbert, where are you?" I whispered to myself, hints of exasperation littered my voice. Patience had never been one of my virtues but he is taking the piss. Of all the days he could be late, he chose this one. The day of my escape from, as he calls it "the infernal cesspit". I must agree, even if that annoys me to no end, this place is disgusting. Slowly, I rose from my chair and began to pace back and forth in the room. I scarcely call it my room because it never feels that way, I was kidnapped and forced in here. My entire life, from the age of 13, was spent in these grey walls. At least I have one friend to keep me relatively sane in these long years. Sure he is annoying and I would gladly try and make him more like his brother but he is a good friend- well, when he wants to be.  Gilbert promised that he would share the wonders of his world with me. My best friend, my vampire and only friend to be exact. He was the only one to stick with me throughout this time of turmoil and not question my lack of replies. He promised to free me from here, from my hell. Even if it doesn't happen, I must cling to this hope of escape for my own sanity. I would love to see what he lives with everyday, his world is on a completely different level to this one, despite it still physically being this one. An aggravated sigh escaped my lips as my pacing speed increased. He could've made a little more of a rush, just for today.  
  
12:05  
  
There is a reason for why this orphanage is my hell. I was ten when my parents died, I still had family but I was thrown in here. They deemed my grandparents physically unfit to take care of me- another reason to throw me in here. Well, I suppose it was to make them look better. It would be beneficial for them to have a neonblood in their midst.  They forced me into countless hours of therapy as "I was old enough for the death to cause an impact." This was another tactic to get into my mind and see how I truly feel others emotions. They pushed sharp metal bars into my legs to stop me from running, I still have the scars. Sometimes, they will re open them with small pins, just to cause me pain. They made me take drugs for the pain (the mental and the physical) but none of their drugs or talks did anything. I am a broken mess, both in their eyes and my own. In the end, I complied to their "treatment". Maybe that is the sadistic side in me, I even thought that I enjoyed them at one point- another side affect to the drugs. The beatings, the drugs, the talks (that usually turned into terrible beatings). They locked me in a solitary confinement room after a while. I am not allowed to see any of the others. Only my therapist and Doctor Williamson are able to enter. Oh, and a tray of food every now and then, this probably contained more drugs or poison. Oh well, I am better of without them anyway, I would probably hurt someone.  
  
12:10  
  
As the time ebbed away, I waited. I am waiting for my ticket out of here. He should have been here 40 minutes ago.  Sinking into the lumpy mattress and grabbing a bottle of pills I wonder why they treat me so differently? Maybe it is because of my friends, neonbloods aren't allowed to mix with vampires. Probably because what happens when they have children together or the vampire "turns" the Neonblood. I have only heard of what happens when a neonblood vampire is made. There are so many kids like me here but none of them have my "Gift". I am a neon blood empathic. This means that I can feel many more emotions expressed by others than non empathic. You can tell a neon blood by their blood, it's blue, green and yellow. Neonblood vampires, however, can feed on emotions. They take other people's emotions like a twisted source of energy- potentially killing the person in the process. I tried to forget the thought but it came back. There are others in here like me but they don't treat them any differently. Angrily trying to get rid of those thoughts, I take 3 of the little capsules. The rest of them then made their way into my pocket for 'safe keeping.'  
  
12:14  
  
A loud thud emerged from the ceiling. As this was the top floor, I am filled with hope. It dragged me out of a slightly dizzy daze. I rushed towards the window in anticipation.  
"Gilbert?" my exitement-filled voice whispered. A second was spent in silence as the message traveled up through the window. The stars were alive with excitement, the moon simply smiled at me. I felt finally alive, despite the grip of the intoxication.  
"Yeah, it's me. Now are you gonna open the window a little more, I aint that small." he ended in a roaring laugh, my eyes gleamed. I hadn't heard that laugh in years. I nodded, even if he couldn't see me, and then opened the window as far as it will go. A huge bluster of wind smacked me in the face, I couldn't help but screw my face up at this- the first time I have felt an element (that isn't flame) in years and it had to be that one. I remembered something, it is medication time. If I miss that, my body would probably give up completely. I grabbed the packet of tablets from the side table and took one. I closed my eyes as the large tablet slid down my throat, pain ensued. Upon opening my eyes I took a look around the room.  I realised that I can't let him see this. The grime filled walls, the concrete floor, the writing and drawing filled walls ( all by me) and trays of uneaten food.  
"Move back a bit, if you know whats good for you anyway." he gave a whole harted chuckle, this made my eyes sparkle and I forgot the worries of the cleanliness of my room. He will probably understand anyway, his house probably isn't clean either.  
  
Another thud came from a different place, I shot an exited glance at the window. He was now stood in the middle of my room.  
"I'm here dear Liz. Like what you did with the place" he laughed at the end part, stopping to kiss my hand.  
"Stop with your theatrical crap Gil, I know that you aren't a gentleman. I know you are not this suave lie you show all the other girls."  
"Ah, shut up, you know you love me. Anyway, look at this mess- crap Eliza, look at your room." I looked to the grey concrete in shame. He released the catch on the outside of the window and then bent the bars that prevented escape. Thankfully, they had finally been destroyed.   
"Shall we get going then?" he smiled, he was now perched on the windowsill with his palm outstretched towards me. Before leaving, I grab my bag, well two T-shirts sewn together, with about a years worth of bottles containing the capsules. My mother had taught me how to sew and, upon her death, gave me her special sewing needle. The thread came from the arms of this T-shirt. I had made this in the hopes of escape, being glad of my doing so. I then nodded as the white haired teen grabbed my hand and dragged me through the window. The portal to my dreams, a means of escape. He grabbed me and then jumped from the small ledge. I clung desperately to him, gradually getting more annoyed by my dependence in him, this was to prevent death. How the hell did he do that? How are we still alive? Obviously his vampire state helped us get to the floor but I was still surprised by our landing. I couldn't help but let these questions linger in my mind.  
  
After a short while of falling and then waiting, a black, horse drawn carriage pulled up next to us. Gilbert grabbed my hand and I was dragged onto the carriage  
"So why did you take me out of all of your friends?" I ask him. He shot me a sarcastic glance before dragging me onto the carriage.  
"That's nice, I take the ungrateful one"  
"Why though?" I ask him again, making it feel like an interrogation. I fear that this is the only way that I can get a less sarcastic answer off him. He sighed and proceeded to explain.  
"Because you were the most needy. Clearly, you needed to be saved." He was clearly trying to come up with something that wouldn't offend me, a surprise from him. He then looked out of the window, at the sky.  
"And you were trying to be a decent human being, how nice" I stopped being my aggressively sarcastic self and looked to the window also, thinking upon what he had just said to me. I smiled at the thought, he really cared for me. So much in fact, he let me join his world.  
  
I then looked to the sky. The towers in the skyline were mighty, proud giants. No stars were visible as the smoke and fume covered them. So much for seeing the beautiful members of the world as soon as I left that place. Starless, a feeling that I am quite accustomed to. To be honest, I had forgotten what the world looked like. It was more fascinating than it was 7 years ago. I am unsure as to if I will be able to reintegrate into society, I don't want to hurt people. That is what they told me I would if I ever left. What if I can't? I had to take my tablets with me after all. I put my hand in my pocket and retrieved the two sheets of tablets, another years worth of boxes lay in the bag I had packed for today. Lights cascade down onto the pavement below, the darkness fled when this happened. They still have to use the old gas lamps, something which makes people with eyesight as bad as mine truly worse. As the city buildings were left behind, we arrived at a church ridden with the qualities of abandonment. I gawped at the change of scenery whilst Alistair stared at me. From my peripheral vision I saw him chuckle and notify the driver that we were here. I stepped out of the carriage and looked at the building with terrified awe.  
  
Leaves string around the steeple like an autumn crown, it was one of the only beautiful sights in this dilapidated mess. Stained glass surrounded the ground that was underneath their metal frames. Somehow, despite the unwelcoming look, it screamed 'home'.  
"Here we are, home" he sighed with relief. Well at least it's better than the dump I had just came from. I gave him a contented look and we both got out. I then gave a nod to the driver , Alistair gave him some money before saying  
"That will be all Gerald."  
  
Upon entering the building, something changed. Despite it's dilapidated exterior, the insides were of first class standard .The original seating had been pushed to the sides to make way for a long, wooden dining table. On the alter lay an oak coffin laced with red silk. I took in the different patterns carved into the wood, one of these was a family crest. A white shield held two golden swallows and a great, grey coloured lake. Along the edges of the room, and the middle, snaked a royal blue, sea like strip of carpet. Redwood walls, slightly covered with crimson wood stain, surrounded the structure like an overprotective parent. If only I hadn't have judged it before...  
"You thought it was gonna be a dump didn't you?" he questioned. I couldn't say anything in my defence because it was true. To be honest, I did. I didn't say anything, I just stood and admired the entire place.  
  
"So make yourself at home, dinner is at 5" he informed. There may be a slight implication to that plan.  
"Um, I'm not like you though" I mutter with a slight hint of despair mixed in. I'm not like anyone I know, to be exact. Through all of the years that he has known me, he didn't know of my other being status.  
"Well then, let's get cracking" he laughed.  
  
He edged closer to me, our faces only inches apart, I could feel his breath on my face. I had only then noticed how beautiful his eyes truly were. Their amber colour shone with an overconfident smile and I loved it. Something about this made me more terrified of his presence, rather than the changing. A slight wave of apprehension flowed over me, this was to do with my change. He then cupped my head in his  bitter cold hands and moved it to the side, exposing my bare neck. The apprehension turned to panic, he felt fearless though. I knew his every emotion and he wasn't as confident as he seemed. It wasn't a fear but it wasn't calm either. The wave of pain hit me as he bit down, I managed to stifle a scream, turning it into a mumble. I couldn't move, the pain was too much. The only thing that gave me hope was the realisation that the pain would be over soon.  My eyes were focused on the ground, obviously, this means that I am falling. As soon as I hit 'ground' something caught me. I knew, by the cold welcoming presence, that it was him. I welcomed this and remained in the same state with my eyes firmly shut, all I could do was listen to the sounds coming from the room.  
"Oh fuck what have I done!?" Alistair exclaimed. I know what he is seeing, my brightly coloured blood must be pouring from my neck. Soon after this, about ten minutes, I managed to recover.  
  
Slowly rising from the spot in which I lay, I began to speak. This was a slow and slurred speech but I was glad to be able to speak again.  
"Wait what's wrong?" I genuinely do not understand his horror and, to be honest, it's scaring me.  
"Ya know the story of Neons bein' vampires? Well that's gonna happen" he explained with a fragment of information. I still don't understand, I would never hurt another being unless I had to.  
"Yes but what makes them like that?" I question further, I knew the partial information by the doctors but they were only there to make me even more disgusted in myself.  
"Instead of sensing emotion, they feed off it, as well as blood" he explained with a sigh. This was the first time I have seen him in another emotional state than  
  
I looked at him with tears in my eyes, I couldn't hold them back. He had never seen me this emotional before and that makes me feel even more worthless than I already do. A small squeak emerged from my mouth as the tears made a dive down my chin and onto the floor.  
"Hey, what's wrong?" he asked, he wasn't one to deal with emotions that well so this came as a great shock. A voice so sincere coming from such a strangely childish man. I didn't even want to say the answer but it dropped out of my mouth on the instant of the question ending.  
"I have made you create a monster" I sob, a slight hint of, unanticipated, exasperation slipped through. He walked back to me, a smile covered his face. Maybe he thought that my pain was funny, or that he genuinely cared for me. His face was far more difficult to understand than his feelings.  
"That isn't true, you are  _not_ a monster. I will help you control this gift and reclaim your confidence. We can't have the most confident girl I know be all sad n' shit now can we?" he offered in his typically strange manner of speaking. I just need to get away from me right now. I have caused him to create another monster in thus already messed up world.  
"So what d'ya say?" he asked with a slight smirk. I slowly lifted my head up, to be honest, this shocked me. He is actually willing to help me. This is the first time someone has asked to help me in a sincere manner, not just for their own twisted gain.  
"Ok but how?" I reply, in my favourite method, ending in a question.  
"A ball, my family are hosting one tomorrow." he answered with a smile. I gave a half-hearted smile back, even though my mind was grinning like crazy. "We need to get ya ready then, don't we?"


	8. You will Never Know How Much I Love You

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SwissAus/ Human AU/ WARNINGS: Blood, Death mentions/ And we are back to the sad

It had to be them didn't it? talk about being in the wrong place at the wrong time, eh? An oddly placed smile crept onto my face as the it took hold of me, the pain. It ripped through my chest, a horrifying look of agony clouded my mind and face. It is all over now. A shaky hand stretched out to the night sky, I can't even say that it is mine anymore. The pain has numbed me to a sense of perfect sense of dissociation, I can't even feel whether it is mine anyway. The pain makes my whole form go numb; mixed with the previously stated situation, I cannot feel a thing. At least the rain is soothing. With a single flow, it can ease my mind to the point of forgetting the circumstances. Hopefully, but not likely, I will make it out of this alive. I put my hand in my pocket, this brought more pain even though the reason behind this action was positive. I retrieved my phone and, with an immensely shaky hand, turned it on.  
  
My friends scowling face filled the screen, my face forced to the corner of the screen. He had judt woken up but this picture was for his birthday, what else was I supposed to do? His brother forced us into this. My mouth formed a grin and tears stormed from my eyes, the last time that I will see them is through my phone screen. My little friend and his immature older brother, who always acted like the older ones- with the exception of Gilbert- despite me being the elder, he reminds me so much of thier father every day. I turned away briefly, mainly to hide my tears. I am so weak. They always fought, no matter what, for themselves and what they believed in. Even my little sister was capable of this task. They fought for what was necessary. I brought up the contacts screen, mainly to save the guilt of looking into their eyes. Not forgetting that I have to phone someone, Roderich. I tapped on his number and it began calling out; knowing him he has probably left it in another room. I looked to the source of my pain, a large wound that bore into my stomach.  The true tragedy here would be that I won't get the chance to say goodbye to him at this point.  
"K'mon, pick up. There is being forgetful and then there is this" I muttered to myself. Maybe he had left it at home and walked out again. No, he wouldn't do that again, saves getting horribly lost. Calling an ambulance will be pointless as I only have a few moments left, I need to talk to someone that will calm me down.  
  
"Hello? Vash what is it?" a voice filled the other end of the line, it was tinged with slight exasperation. How could I possibly tell him the truth? My panic was slightly reduced by hearing his voice, a sigh of relief escaped my mouth.  
"Damn, where did you leave your phone this time?" I laughed, tears streaming down my face.  
"Why have you phoned me so suddenly? What has Gilbert done this time?" his tone only replied with another question. My heart raced, should I tell him? He doesn't need all of that worry placed on him, after all, it is only me. But I need to speak with him for my own sanity  
"Do you realise that it is rude to answer a question with another question?" I laugh coughing afterwards. Blood spilled from my mouth as I did so, a twisted wake up call telling me that I should make the call shorter. I retrieved a box from the pocket in my jacket, it was wrapped tight with a red ribbon.  
"Answers, not diversions Vash." he chuckled lightly, I knew that this was shallow anger.  
"I need to make this call short, I am sorry" I began, stopping due to a violent wave of pain.  
"What is wrong?!" he questioned, his panic levels clearly rising. I need to change the subject to calm him down, for both of our sakes.  
"Nothing, now tell me. What have you been doing today?" I asked in a calm tone, despite the boring pain in my abdomen. I looked to the jewel embedded sky, only that and his voice could calm my dying thoughts.  
"Surely you wouldn't have called me just for that, what have you done?" he questioned, seeing straight through my façade.  
"Bare with me, just talk." I whispered in an almost inaudible voice.  
"Well, I only got lost 3 times." he began, laughing at himself lightly, "It was a fairly busy day, I looked after Peter for Bertwald and then Ludwig and I cleaned my house. what have you been doing?"  
"S...sounds fun.." I laughed, ending with a loud cough.  
"what is wrong? Are you hurt?" his panic grew even more now, I knew that - although I couldn't help the cough- it was the wrong thing to do.  
  
"I.....I love you" I blurted out in panic, this grew as I knew that I was going to die soon.  
"What, why are you suddenly saying this now?" he questioned, the shock sounding even stronger than my own.  
"You may never hear these words from me again but know that they are true. I'm dying after all. Hey, you probably haven't heard them from me before today. I..... I love you with every fibre of my being, you are the one that I rung in my time of desperation, not my sister or the authorities. You. I don't think poetic things sound right coming from my mouth but, for you, I could write a million poems. Paint thousands of images expressing these things. Will you...." a sharp breath cut my question short. Tears pushed through as the glass like shards of pain forced themselves into my chest.  
"Vash?!" My hearing still worked enough to hear his words "Stay with me. Oh God, don't die on me now. What were you going to say?"  
  
The ring box dropped from my hand, so did the phone, as I took my last breath.  
"I love you Roderich." my strained voice forced out amongst the rain.


	9. Bury Us All In Black

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> PruCan/Human AU/ WARNINGS: suicide, angst, Death/ Back to more sad, it's the thing I write best

Cold. So cold. Why am I so cold? All heat had been stripped from me, the sun did nothing to change that harsh fact. The ice like wind rushing through my hair caused me to open my eyes. I am stood on a ledge, water rushing underneath my feet and the wooden structure. The memories of being here came back to me but none of the joys of nostalgia followed. I feel hollow. Memories of the things I loved, and now have lost, fall through my mind. I cannot feel though so what is the point. Despite this, my mind still wonders why I am here. My friends and I moved from here years ago.

Then it all came back to me.

The ebbing agony of remembrance pierced my skull, the torment of nineteen years was flooding back to me in it's entirety. The thoughts, the pain in my chest that caused me to never want to get up, the harrowing stare reflected through the mirror, the scars. I decided that I couldn't take it anymore. The world became darker and darker until I couldn't ever see myself escaping. My existence became and infernal cesspit of my brain's deceit. I became a walking shell. Before all of this, I was the happiest person you would ever find, my band mates would love to see me because of my joy. Now I bet they hate asking about me because they know the answer. I do recognise some anger in my heart, for my actions have stripped me from a wonderful, compassionate person. How selfish I am, I left behind my only reason for living. My non related brother. He isn't my brother but he was there for me when everyone else seemed to abandon me. He was my hope on the bleakest days, despite his quiet demeanour. I loved this about him as I could talk more mainly. When I would refuse to leave my room, he would sit beside me and tell me that things are going to be alright. He had more patience in me and in life than I ever did.  
I sit down on the pier's edge, letting my feet just touch the top of the water. This used to be my favourite spot to think and escape the harsh reality. Matthew showed me this place before we moved and became a band. We being Matthew, Arthur, Feliciano, Francis, Ludwig, and I.

*  
"Matt, why did you drag me out here in the middle of the goddamn night? Where are we even going?" I growl, running to try and keep up with the taller man. He was a good few feet in front of me but he stopped at the sound of his voice.  
"Just trust me on this one." he flashed a brilliant smile in my direction and grabbed my wrist.  
"Matthew Williams, I demand an explanation now" I shout, only a hint of truthful severity lined my voice. I didn't feel any anger towards him, this was only to make him tell me.  
"Ah shush, we are nearly there." he smiled, kissing my forehead. All though I do not enjoy being dragged from my room at 11pm, I have to admit that (wherever we are) it is beautiful. The sky, peppered with stars, reminded me of the day we all first met. There were barely any street lamps so that the stars could be more visible.  
*

The sky pictured then is the same now. I stare up at it, flashes of deep blues and amethyst brighten up the dark mass. Stars seemed to cover it all, they were the decoration to the void. The moon, a silent seer, sat upon the highest part of the visible sky. It only seemed to change when the mist moved around it. A tear runs down my cheek, it was followed by many more. Matthew was my only hope of getting through this alive and now look what happened. I recollect what I have done to get here almost as instantly as my mind thought of his name. A lump formed in my throat as I make a list of my final drinks and the pills that I had taken to get here. I looked down at my arms, scars lined both the top and the bottom of them. The tears continued to fall as I thought of the people that put up with me through most of my life.

My brother, Ludwig. Despite him being younger than me, he was so much stronger. He faced every day, every challenge, with a barely visible smile. I remember his crooked smile- though rare- and tired eyes as if he were stood next to me. He would phone me every time he was at our parents (as he was younger, he had to stay with our parents for a few years more). I would come back to my parents and, whenever I felt terrible, Ludwig and I would sit together in the park with a cup of coffee and we would talk. He got me through my childhood and parts of my teenage years. His boyfriend and my lifelong friend, Feliciano. He was the one who was always smiling in the group and he always helped any of us if we needed it. He loved us for ourselves and not how we looked, constant compliments and arguments with people who put us all down. Arthur, the resident nerd and shy guy. He would be there, next to Matthew, comforting me. His family had disowned him but he always found a reason for getting up every morning. He nearly died but he managed to bring himself back to his usual ways. Francis, his best friend (and love interest). He was the motivational goof, he always managed to raise the spirits in times of desperation. They were all so strong and then look at me, I am pathetic. I deserve this ending for wising that I could be anything like them.

"Gilbert!" I hear Matthew's voice through the fog. How the hell is he here?  
"What have you done? You promised me!" he sobbed. I wish there was some way of telling him that I am ok, that I am happier now, but there is not. My voice wasn't loud enough. I wanted to let him know that, now I am not there now, he can live properly. He can live without my weight dragging him down.  
"Gilbert..." he trailed off, sobbing. He was rocking me back and forth whilst holding me in his arms. I could feel the warmth of his shirt and, for the first time in my "life", I felt safe.  
"I wish I could have helped you more. I didn't mean what I said earlier and now it's to late to tell you that I am sorry!" he cried in an always soft voice.  
"No, it isn't, I shall call the ambulance!" Feliciano's voice called out to Matthew.  
"Don't die! You will get through this as you did through all of your other troubles.

The blaring ambulance sirens splintered through my ears. I could feel myself moving, Matthew, I am assuming, has picked me up and is taking me out of the house. The sirens stopped, nothing filled my mind. I was just staring at the pier's sky in a bleak hope that he will say something.  
"Don't worry Gil, you will be fine. I will make sure of it." the last words he spoke to me lingered in my mind as the world turned into a dark haze.


End file.
